To those with a complicated relationship with joy

Last week, I turned 36. For the first time in a long time, I was excited. For no other reason, than I was happy to feel alive and hopeful (for real this time). In the 13 years of battling Lupus, I have become well-acquainted with the ongoing frustration of deferring and canceling both big and small goals and dreams. This has led me to reflect on my complicated relationship with joy.